Childhood
Growing up in an English town, I had always been a shy child. It was a struggle for me to have the courage to speak to other children and it seemed to get worse during my teenage years. This was partially due to my personality which made me a slower starter to socialising.
I mentioned before that I was lucky enough to learn several foreign languages as a child: French, German, Latin and Chinese. Of course, that didn't mean I got a lot of opportunity to practise my speaking skills in those languages. The chances I had were answering the odd question in class and taking the end of year speaking test.
A speaking test is one thing but using it in real life situations is a different matter altogether. We all know that English is the dominant international language so there is very little incentive for English people to study foreign languages, let alone use them. So little in fact, that there have been a few reported cases across Europe where holidaymakers have demanded that local staff speak English to them.
All the kids at Chinese school were like me, British born and raised. So we talked predominantly in English to each other. Despite learning Cantonese every Sunday for 11 years, I only managed to drop in a Cantonese sentence here or there on my biennial trips to Hong Kong. I shaded away from any opportunity and relied on my parents to do all the talking. I had no need to, I was a kid.
University
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It wasn't until I met some Cantonese speaking friends at university that I began to come out of my shell. They came from Hong Kong and other cities in Guangdong. Some were surprised at my ability to speak Cantonese at all, a few joked about my pronunciation. But we quickly became friends. I was finally in an environment where I had the chance to have long, regular conversations in Cantonese. Even if it meant dropping the odd English word in. Hong Kong youngsters are well known for mixing Cantonese and English in their sentences.
This brings me to my exposure with Mandarin. I have talked about my Mandarin learning journey in another article but I'll summarise here. On my course and outside of it, I met some Mandarin speaking friends. At that point, my speaking was so limited that I didn't even dare to say a single word in Mandarin for fear of embarrassment. Besides, I already had a little bit of trouble with Cantonese from time to time.
During university, I started watching Mandarin speaking television dramas and comedy shows. Over time, I picked up the differences in pronunciation and tones. Of course, I lacked any real opportunity to speak it. I would say the words out aloud in my room and wondered if my pronunciation was way off. I dare not ask my Mandarin speaking friends to help me.
When I went on the language exchange course to Hangzhou, I got the opportunity of a lifetime to practise my Mandarin speaking. I discovered that when I was speaking to local students of similar age, I became anxious about pronouncing words incorrectly.
There was an additional reason for my fear: my ethnicity was Chinese but I couldn't speak the national language of China. It seemed that I really cared a little too much about how my peers thought about me. On the bright side, it gave extra impetus to improve rapidly.
Back at university, I joined the Chinese students' society where practically everyone else talked in Mandarin and sometimes Cantonese. I made a conscious decision to throw myself in the deep end but people were very welcoming. But even then, I spoke a little reluctantly because at the back of my mind, there was still the lingering sense of embarrassment. Never mind, even a little improvement is an improvement.
Working Abroad
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In the penultimate summer of my studies, I got accepted for an internship in Hong Kong, working in the government's environmental protection department. Hong Kong has both Cantonese and English as official languages but that didn't mean everyone was good at both.
Cantonese was the primary language used for daily communication both with colleagues and the public. Plus I had a local face so there wasn't really an excuse. Over a period of 2 months, I probably spoke more Cantonese than all of the preceding years leading up to that summer. Outside of work, I had to order food for myself and attend events. Looking back, it was certainly a turning point in my confidence.
I graduated the following year in 2012, and entered the civil engineering profession in the UK. I spoke exclusively English at work and my other languages stagnated. My only chance of maintaining my speaking level was to speak with friends but these chances were few and far between. Over the next 10 years, I received a little boost every time I visited China but after I returned, I sunk back into my shell.
Enter 2022 - A New Beginning
Shortly after my arrival into Hong Kong, a new plan of action sprung into my mind. In anticipation of living on the mainland, I employed an online tutor to have regular Mandarin conversational practice.
Alongside this, I found superb language exchange partners, giving me hours of 1-1 practice every week. Both sides understand the difficulties of learning a language so embarrassing moments are rare. In Hong Kong, I spoke exclusively Cantonese with absolutely everyone face to face. I insisted, even after they found out I was raised in England.
These things have made the biggest difference to my speaking confidence. This will become my go-to strategy for any language.
My Take
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Feel free to master your speaking skills if you are very committed. If at any point, you sense that you haven't entirely achieved your goal, just remember that you are already one step ahead of those who are too afraid to even try. Remember action is the one thing that matters.
One doesn't need to be perfect in a foreign language in my opinion. There are reams of international students speaking imperfect English. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you can make yourself understood. Heck, in my case, there are plenty of people from different parts of China who don't have perfect Standard Mandarin pronunciation. Personally I am not seeking perfection. So why should I worry?
I'll give you one last example. My aunt has commented on my weird accent before. But she can barely speak any English and not even trying. If anyone jokes about your pronunciation, the joke's on them.
If someone is honestly trying to help, by all means, do take it with welcome arms. No need to be self-conscious, just focus on improving.
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